Thoughts at 4am

Maybe sometimes I am go all out for people that I neglect myself, sometimes I put some parts of me in the wrong hierarchy, sometimes I place the things I do in the wrong priorities. As of now everything seems wrong, but it feels right. I always tell my friends that I have their back, when they get dead drunk and fuck things up, I will always be there for them. But I hope to meet someone like me for me, so that I, too, can get drunk and die on the streets, laughing my ass out and embarrass myself and I know I have that someone that will get my ass home, and will scold the shit out of me for my recklessness. Maybe that's the thing: It's hard to get reckless, to solely trust people so fully you let all your guards go. I guess that's the sucky part to be me. I can never imagine what would letting my guards down lead to, will I regret it? Will I have fun? I just know that no matter intoxicated I am I will still be standing, and no one will knock me out.